dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
