any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
