then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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