Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
