i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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