her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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