The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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