I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
