Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
