my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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