I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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