butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
