Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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