we're blogging at a bar
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
