Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
