mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
