New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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