I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
