Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
