An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Drunk is not a location!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
