He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
