My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
