the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
