Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
