I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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