trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
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