Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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