On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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