And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
