good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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