smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
