I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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