Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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