I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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