I'm really into asian looking animals
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize