The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
