He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
