I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
