i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
