i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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