True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
