Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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