Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
even my farts smell like vagina
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
