You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
