was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
