I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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