a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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