next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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