are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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