He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
