U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
