the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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