You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize