I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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