My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
