I cannot find my penis.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
