My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
