She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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