wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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