You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
