no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
worst night to have a conscience
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Can I color on your dick again?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
