Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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