I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
