he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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