Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
