we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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